Let’s face it; we are not supposed to go it alone!
We are wired for relationship. We want to belong. We need each other. We long to be glad to be together. We desire to live in JOY.
“Joy is relational; it cannot be experienced alone.”
Dr. Jim Wilder
If we were born into families where we did not feel seen, safe, and secure, then we were raised in a “low-joy” environment and most likely failed to learn the skills necessary to engage in joyful connection with those we love.
Some of us learned defense mechanisms in order to survive.
- We learned to hide our true selves.
- We learned how to be invisible.
- We lost our voices.
- We survived but failed to thrive.
Surviving requires a strong set of defense mechanisms.
Thriving necessitates a solid set of relational brain skills.
Training your brain in these missing skills will enhance your well-being and enable you to experience healthy connection and closeness to others.
I can help you practice and learn the relational brain skills necessary to restore your joy and get on your way to R. A. R. E. Living.
Learn to remain relationally connected to others even in the midst of conflict. Recognizing when the problem is bigger than who the person is to you is part of this brain skill.
ACT LIKE YOUR TRUE SELF
Learn how to act like your true self, the person you were created to be, even in the midst of emotional upset. Knowing who you are and what it’d be like you to do in spite of experiencing BIG feelings is part of this brain skill.
RETURN TO JOY
Learn how to quickly return to joy and peace when your “relational circuits” are off and you’ve lost a sense of your true self. Quickly RETURN to being glad to be with those you wanted to GET AWAY from! Practicing appreciation is a helpful tool for mastering this essential brain skill.
ENDURE HARDSHIPS WELL
Learn to suffer well in the midst of hardship. Suffering well is not a concept we generally consider in our current Western world mindset. In fact, we want suffering to stop as soon as it begins! However, both accepting that suffering is part of the human experience, and making meaning of one’s suffering are essential for grasping the necessity of this brain skill.
Do any of these statements describe how you feel?
- I just want to make a problem, person, or feeling go away!
- I don’t want to listen to what others feel or say!
- My mind is ‘locked onto’ something upsetting.
- I don’t want to be connected to _____ (someone I usually like)
- I more aggressively interrogate, judge, and fix others. *assessment questions from the work of Dr. Karl Lehman and Dr. Jim Wilder
If you answered yes to any of the above, then your joy levels are low.
My name is Shelia, and I’m not a “smile and nod” therapist. I actually help you train your brain for joyful connection to others. Using recent research in neuroscience, I will help you practice these essential brain skills. The outcome is R. A. R. E. Living.
My hope for your life is
- that you leave therapy equipped with some essential brain skills,
- that you grow your capacity to live with relational maturity,
- and that you ultimately experience more connection, closeness and intimacy with those you love.
If you desire more joyful relationships, ones where attachments are secure and safe, then give me a call for a free, 15-minute consultation.